I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
try to milk me bitch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize