I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
