New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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