Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
