she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
