I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
