Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
