was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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