I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pooping to opera.
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