you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
