Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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