Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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