11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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