On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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