so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
