i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The beer is more important than you right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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