This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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