I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
