I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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