please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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