Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
