i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
