i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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