Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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