Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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