Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize