I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
