the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
