So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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