thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
