Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
