these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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