I smell stomach acid.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
