Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
