Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
