I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
