I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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