i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
