i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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