i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
