At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
