the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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