I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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