ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

  Fav 34 7051 1323

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  You're going home with him aren't you?

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house

  Fav 12 1541 3187

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.

  Fav 70 4167 888

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

  Fav 52 5476 1606

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.

  Fav 13 7338 1408

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players

  Fav 4 2174 796

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

  Fav 7 1003 1263

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.

  Fav 0 1318 799

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night

  Fav 5 535 1028

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.

  Fav 11 1978 738

  share tweet
  

• (417): View more from Missouri

  Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.

  Fav 6 833 586

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

  Fav 3 810 613

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.

  Fav 1 526 667

  share tweet
  

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.

  Fav 0 34 24

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass

  Fav 0 26 20

  share tweet
  

Randomize