Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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