My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
