I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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