i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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