I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
