I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
