i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
