somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
