i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
