This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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