you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im holly from the hills drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My ass is underappreciated
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
