put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
