Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
