I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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