look no pants
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
