ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
