3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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