We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
