That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
