you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
