I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize