the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
