i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
home. puking in laundry basket.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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