I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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