Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just invented taco cereal.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize