You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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