So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
