he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
