Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
