someone get that fucking seahorse.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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