He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm always down for nudity.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
